


You Can't Help Me

by bubblegumclouds



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming In Pants, Coming Untouched, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Grinding, Incest, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Sex, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sibling Incest, castiel interrupts, dean thinks sam will hate him, dean thought sam was innocent, he really isnt, mentions of rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 05:55:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6107128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumclouds/pseuds/bubblegumclouds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean thinks he's ill and has a breakdown. Sam's just scared and wants his brother to tell him what's wrong. Smut then follows.</p><p>(Or my excuse to write angst, smut and fluff with Cas at the end)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Help Me

**Author's Note:**

> My first Supernatural fic so go easy on me! Hope you like it :)
> 
> My twitter- @cutierobandrich  
> My Tumblr- @cutierobandrich  
> Please comment, leave kudos and subscribe to my account!

“Please, please, I-I can't take this, please no.” Dean muttered, the remains of the sip of alcohol that had passed his lips slowly dripping out of the corner of his mouth. He gripped his hair so harshly he could have pulled some out but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He'd been declining rapidly over the past few months. It started with his conscience reminding him how disgusting it was but the more reality seeped in, the more the thoughts seeped in with them. These... visions. In Dean's mind. These... impure thoughts. It wasn't the impurity that Dean hated. No. It was who they were about that drove Dean over the edge. His little brother, beautiful little Sammy. Innocent Sammy who Dean loved, but not just as a brother, no, as a lover. That was the best part. Man, Dean wanted to do things to Sammy that, well, a brother should never even dream of.

“NO, stop, why? Why me? Sammy, h-he's innocent and so caring and my BROTHER. MY FUCKING BROTHER.” Dean angrily spat as the bottle he had clutched in his hands was now in pieces on the other side of the room. The smashing of the bottle must have been louder than Dean registered in his fucked-up mental state as a few minutes later Sam's fist was pounding into the door at an alarming rate.  
“DEAN, DEAN ARE YOU OKAY? DEAN STAND BACK.” Sam's muffled voice shouted as he prepared to throw his weight against the door. Dean was too far under his breakdown to make any sense of anything anymore. He didn't even flinch as the door flung open as Sam fell through it. Sam immediately went into work mode, scanning the space before stopping. There was no danger he could see, just Dean. Wait.

“Dean, has a demon possessed you? Dean answer me.” Sam crouched down next to Dean's shaking figure with his fingers hovering over the water in his pocket. All Dean had the energy to do was shake his head and wait as Sam dribbled a tiny drop of holy water onto him. When nothing happened, Sam paused.  
“Has anything been here Dean?” Sam questioned hesitantly. Dean, once again, shook his head. The brothers sat in silence, neither of them daring to move as the tension was too thick.  
“S-Sammy, you n-need, you need to leave.” Dean's voice slurred and cracked as his head arose from his hands. His eyes connected intensely with Sam's and the look on Dean's face was unlike any other.

“Wait, why? Is it dangerous? Dean, I-I don't understand.” Sam rambled as he waited for an explanation for his brothers strange actions.  
“Sam, for god sake! This isn't anything to do with hunting, this is to do with me. I'm sick, I'm twisted, I shouldn't be allowed around you Sammy.” Dean pleaded as his voice grew gradually more unsure. Dean was okay with supernatural things, things he saw, things he could kill but this was his own mind. His thoughts and feelings. There was no myth for this, no legend, no explanation.

“Dean, are you just drunk, is that why all this weird stuff is coming out of your mouth?” Sam snapped and Dean had no reply. He was a little drunk but that had nothing to do with these visions. The visions of Dean wrapping his muscular arms around little Sam. The visions of throwing him down on the bed as they both giggled. The visions of his head going down and down...  
“STOP. Argh why, why can't you stop.” Dean whispered as he hit his palms into his forehead, frustrated that he didn't have control.

“Dean if you're sick we need to get you into a hospital as soon as we can.” Sam rushed as he went to pick up his brother.  
“Sam, I'm mentally ill, not physically. I-I can't be cured.” Dean explained and Sam let out a frustrated groan at all the cryptic clues.  
“Dean, what's going on? Lately you've been drinking alone, crying, vomiting then sleeping. That's all you ever do recently and I'm worried Dean, worried about you. I want to talk. If it's about dad, or mom-” Sam was sharply cut off.  
“This has nothing to do with that.” Dean interjected harshly, not wanting to even think about their parents.

“Then what does it have to do with Dean because you're not telling me anything! You start acting all weird and I leave you to it thinking maybe you'll get over it and now you're telling me you're mentally ill. Talk to me Dean, please. I can help you.” Sam begged as he sat next to where Dean was, just wanting to be close to him and protect him. The tears couldn't be held in by Dean as his brother poured his heart out to him. Dean should be rolling his eyes, making comments, but he couldn't laugh this off with jokes. Dean couldn't look up, couldn't see the disappointment in his brother's eyes.  
“You can't help me.” Dean spoke with a cold tone. A tear rolled down his pink tinged cheek at how heartless he sounded. This secret really had messed him up, more than any spirit or demon could.

“Dean. Listen, I-I, yeah, I can't live without you, okay? Recently it's felt like I've had to. You've been so distant from me. I mean, i-is it me? Have I-I done something?” Sam stuttered as the tears started to arrive wondering if this was all on him.  
“S-Sammy, of course it's not you. It's just something that I have dealt with for too long and it's sending me fucking insane and I can't stop it so I need you to leave.” Dean looked up with a puffy face and helpless eyes to see Sam in the same state looking back.  
“D-Dean, I-I'm scared.” Sam whispered quickly and it was so quiet that Dean almost missed it but once he heard the words his heart tore. They had fought everything, the stuff nightmares are made of, and yet Sam had never admitted he was scared. The only thing that scared him enough to admit it, was Dean.

“Hey, hey no Sammy. It's okay. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm meant to be looking out for you and I know now that I can't do that job so I need to leave. You'll be safe though Sammy, I promise. Won't ever let anything hurt my little brother. I just, I can't be around this Sammy, I'll do something I don't want to and I can never let it get to that. I'm helping you Sammy, you just, just can't see it yet okay?” Dean explained in as soft a voice as he could manage. He hoped it would calm Sam but after a few seconds it was evident that Sam wasn't going to be calm for quite some time.  
“I don't understand though Dean. I just want to get why you are doing this. You never leave me, not even for the biggest of things so why does this illness matter. Please Dean, I'll leave and never contact you if you just tell me why.” Sam begged desperately as he grew more and more frustrated at his lack of knowledge and understanding of Dean's situation.

It grew quiet for a long time with Dean not wanting to talk in case he spilt his secret and Sam waiting for Dean to do just that. Dean really had got such a mess on his hands with no way to solve it that wouldn't hurt anyone. The tiredness in his eyes was taking hold now and his body was weak from all the struggling and fighting he did at the worst part of his breakdown.  
“Sammy, I-” Dean's voice broke just as Sam started shouting, his anger taking over.

“NO DEAN. DON'T 'SAMMY' ME, YOU'RE LEAVING ME WITH NO FUCKING REASON WHY AND YOU SAY IT'S GOING TO HELP? IN WHAT WORLD COULD RANDOMLY DESERTING ME HELP?! JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME DEAN PLEASE. A-ARE YOU DEPRESSED DEAN? SUICIDAL? I CAN HELP WITH THAT. I'LL FIND YOU A DOCTOR O-OR THERAPIST OR SOMETHING. PLEASE.” Sam ranted as Dean just watched in shock at the outburst. Sam had paced so he was now stood in the middle of the room leaning on one of the dining chairs with his head pointing to the floor. Dean just gave up, he felt dizzy, his head was throbbing, his hands were shaking and he just couldn't do it anymore.  
“Sammy, come sit.” Dean patted the space where Sam had just got up from. Sam opened his mouth to continue shouting but Dean slowly shook his head and Sam stopped in his tracks.

Once Sam was sat leant against the wall like Dean, he decided now was a good time to just say something.  
“Sam, please don't shout again my head's killing me a-and I'm pretty sure I'm probably gonna pass out in a minute.” Dean added in a laugh just to cut the tension. It didn't.  
“Listen, I'm not depressed or suicidal. I-It's just that I, well, I fell in love and it's fucking me up real bad Sammy. W-What I feel, i-its...” Dean stopped before he got too caught up as Sam listened intently, hanging on to his every word.  
“It's what, Dean?” Sam asked curiously in hushed tones, worried to ask anything in case Dean stopped sharing.  
“Wrong.” Dean whispered and Sam was even more confused now.

“Dean, it's just love, it's not wrong and you're not ill. If this is caused by who you fell in love with Dean you need to tell them. It's not fair on you or them to hide it. Wait, are you gay? Is that why you think it's wrong? There is nothing wrong with being gay, you know that.” Sam guessed blindly and with each question Dean was getting more and more terrified his secret would slip out. He could feel it, it felt inevitable.  
“I know there's nothing wrong with that but Sammy that's not the problem. I really don't want to keep playing these guessing games so if you have enough information you can leave now please.” Dean groaned sounding increasingly more exhausted and he knew if he was tired words would come tumbling out and there would be no stopping it.

“Dean, I'm not leaving until I find out exactly what's wrong.” Sam stated and Dean sighed, he should have known really. His head was a giant battle of whether to tell his brother or not and it was sending him further into this spiral of madness and upset.  
“Okay, okay I give up, I give up, I can't take it anymore. Sammy, you're gonna run the second I tell you so I just want to tell you that I'll always take care of you no matter how much you hate me alright. Please just don't shout and scream because I'm tired Sam, s-so so tired of it all.” Dean began to cry and Sam knew that this was going to be something huge because Dean had never shown emotion like this, ever.  
“I promise I won't leave or shout, I won't even talk if you don't want. I'm just worried and I need to know what's going on in your head because I can't lose you.” Sam said as he placed an arm around his brother and pulled him in tight, Dean's head falling lazily onto Sam's shoulder as he didn't bother to fight the embrace.

“Sammy, I-I,” Dean's voice cracked and he started again, willing this all to be over.  
“I-I...” Nothing would come out. His throat was tight and he felt like he couldn't breathe.  
“It's okay Dean, take your time.” Sam could see how worked up Dean was getting and gently reassured him, rubbing a hand up and down his arm.  
“I-I can't say it Sammy. I-I c-can't lose you.” Dean stuttered as he looked up at Sam, his eyes watery and fazed out. Sam's heart broke at the mess he saw before him.  
“You will never lose me Dean, ever. Okay so don't worry. Who is it?” Sam asked, hoping to make it easier for Dean to say if he prompted.  
“I-It's you, Sammy.” Dean whispered and immediately the tears began flowing and the sobs filled the room.

Sam's breath caught in his throat and he paused. Wow. That was like nothing he had expected. He had noticed things that ;ed to it being him but he didn't see it as love. Love was such a strong emotion and clearly this wasn't a new thing either. Suddenly his brain alerted him to the fact his brother was sobbing beside him. Never had Dean sobbed, hell, he'd barely even cried. This really had destroyed him, it was clear for anyone to see. Sam had no idea how he didn't spot it, he knew everything about Dean and the way he handles emotions, or at least he thought he did, clearly not. One thing he did know was that, he had to build Dean back up from this terrible pit he'd put himself in. He was so weak.

Sam had to hold back tears thinking about how hard Dean had worked to keep this hidden from him, how he hadn't noticed that Dean had practically been dying inside for weeks, months, maybe even years. That made what he was going to say next very important. It had to be comforting, so Sam chose hushed words of reassurance.  
“Hey, hey Dean, shh, it's alright, it's okay, we'll sort this.” Sam said as he turned and pulled Dean in so he could hold him properly. Dean's head was buried in Sam's neck as his tears clung to Sam's skin and Dean clung to Sam like he was his only lifeline. Sam held on just as tight, trying to piece Dean back together.  
“I'm so sorry Sammy, so so sorry.” Dean repeated and every time he did Sam was there to assure his brother that it's okay, they'll work it out.

After a few minutes, Dean's sobs had died down and Sam was gently rocking Dean hoping it would work like it did when they were kids, although usually it was the other way around.  
“What am I going to do Sam? I'm disgusting, so disgusting. I mean, i-it's illegal for god sake.” Dean spat as he was so lost and so angry with himself. His brother was his everything, but he shouldn't be so much of his everything.  
“Since when have we cared what the police thought?” Sam joked as he knew that's what Dean needed, something to show that everything was the same as it always has been. It must have worked as for the first time that night, Dean smiled. They sat there for a while, trying to soak it all in before Sam spoke.

“Lets go to bed Dean, we'll talk in the morning.” He smiled and Dean nodded as he got up. He turned and gave Sam a hand to help him up, Sam grinned and took it as a sign to show he wasn't going to be scared away by this. Dean strolled into their room while wiping his face, Sam following behind.  
“You won't lose me Dean, and I'm not angry or upset okay? Everything will be alright, just sleep.” Sam stated as he climbed into his bed. Once the covers were pulled over their bodies and they had shared a slight smile, they said their goodnights as the lights went out and finally, it was peaceful.

The next morning Dean awoke to the sun beaming into his eyes, he went to call out for his brother but then realised that probably wouldn't be such a great idea. Dean took a few breaths before making his way out of the door, unsure what to expect. Would he have left? For a few days? For good? Dean didn't know and he hated not knowing. Sam was stood staring out of the window as Dean plodded sleepily in to the room, thank god.  
“Morning.” Sam called as Dean was reaching in to the fridge. Dean was thankful Sam spoke first as it reminded him that there was no tension between them.  
“Morning.” Dean replied quietly as he grabbed his drink and perched on one of the dining chairs. He didn't know when they were going to have a conversation about it or how he was going to face it. He had a feeling he was about to find out as Sam opened his mouth.

“Listen Dean, I've been thinking.” Sam sighed as he took the seat opposite Dean, not wanting to have this conversation too loud as these walls were thin.  
“That's a first.” Dean joked with a laugh as he hoped it would maybe make things better, humour was his coping mechanism after all.  
“Don't hide behind the jokes Dean, I wanna talk seriously for a second.” Sam said sternly, knowing his brother's dismissive tactics.  
“Oh, seconds over Sammy, we've got work to do.” Dean sarcastically remarked and Sam shook his head.  
“Dean, for fucks sake, sit down will you and stop making these ridiculous jokes will you? I want to say something okay.” Sam said as Dean got up and turned away, not wanting to get upset again.  
“Sammy, if I stop making jokes and pretending everything's fine you know what will happen, and I can't. I can't do that right now. So unless you've got any ideas I'm gonna keep doing that.” Dean's voice was scratchy as he desperately fought back every bit of emotion threatening to overspill.

“Dean, I want you, I want this. I want a life together.” Sam smiled. Dean saw Sam's smile nd misinterpreted the meaning of Sam's words.  
“H-How could you? How could you be so mean Sam? I was near insanity trying to protect this secret a-and you think its hilarious to take the piss?! Sammy, I had you down as many things but cold-hearted was never one of them.” Dean wiped away his tears quickly, a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach at how cold his brother was being.  
“W-What? Dean no, I wasn't- God I'd never take the piss Dean. I'm serious, 100 percent. I mean, if you'll have me?” Sam's sincere tone caused Dean to turn around in shock. He could never have dreamt it would have actually been reality, him and Sam. It was too extreme, too wrong.  
“Sammy, no. This isn't a game. It's wrong, we're brothers. We cannot do this no matter how much I love you.” Dean smiled with a few tears running down his cheeks.  
“We can Dean, we love each other and we'd be great together. So what if one of us changes our name? So what if we use a fake pass to steal our documents?” Sam smiled hopefully as he took Dean's hand shyly, trying to convey his emotion.

“Sammy, i-it's all so new, I don't know if I can.” Dean stuttered as he let Sam's hand caress his. The touch felt so calming, almost like it was meant to be there.  
“It's okay Dean, together, we will do this together.” Sam smiled, convincing not only himself, but Dean that it would be alright and Dean hesitantly nodded.  
“Alright, okay.” Dean smiled back and looked down at their hands joined then back up into Sam's eyes. Dean gently leant across the table and tilted his head, unsure if this was the right move, Sam got the idea and leaned in to meet Dean. Gently their lips connected and moved with each other.

The kiss was soft, sweet and loving until Sam decided it needed a bit more. His tongue hesitantly lingered just outside his brother's mouth however Dean ended the kiss, pulling back.  
“Sorry, too quick, my mistake.” Sam apologised, immediately thinking he'd messed things up but Dean smirked.  
“Too quick? Oh no, I wanted to lead you into the bedroom... babe.” Dean joked and he bit his lip, looking at Sam with hunger and lust coating his eyes as they flicked down to his lips.  
“Quick to get in my pants, at least I know you're treating me no different than any of your exes.” Sam giggled and Dean rolled his eyes at the insult. Dean grabbed his hand and pulled him into the room and onto Dean's bed. Sam was lying flat with Dean's muscular arms either side of his head as Sam wrapped his legs around Dean's waist. Dean kissed Sam again, this time with passion and eagerness, their lips shiny and red. Sam bought his hands to grasp handfuls of his brother's shirt to keep him grounded as Dean pulled away and moved to Sam's ear.

“Gonna do what I've dreamt about for years, gonna make you feel so good Sammy.” Dean whispered, his hot breath tickling the shell of Sam's ear as he grinded his crotch against Sam's. It caught Sam off guard and his back arched as he groaned, throwing his head back. Dean started messily kissing Sam's neck as he tried to get Sam off.  
“Dean, I-I'm really not gonna l-last, fuck baby.” Sam whimpered as his hands scrambled along Dean's back trying to grip on to anything. Everything was so hot and so good. Dean on his neck, his dick putting such good friction between them and the drag of his boxers was making him leak.

“So good Sammy, fuck, come for me, wanna make you come so fucking hard. Come on baby I know you can. Ruin your pretty little boxers for me sweetheart.” Dean ordered in between kisses and deep moans. The skin of Sam's neck was so soft and the knowledge of how good he was making his brother feel brought goosebumps over his skin.  
“Dean, g-gonna.” Sam stuttered out and Dean immediately sped up, grinding so hard he was pushing Sam up the bed as he frantically fucked him into the mattress.

“Come for me little Sammy.” Dean ordered and that was it for Sam. He scrambled to grab onto the sheets as he came. Stars were flying around his vision as he moaned uncontrollably, throwing his head back. Dean tried to continue kissing Sam but ended up just panting into his mouth and nibbling on his lip. Dean could feel Sam's dick twitch as come spurted into his boxers and jeans. Even the thought of how wet and messy Sam's dick looked as he came was enough to send Dean flying to the edge.  
“That's it Sammy, that's my baby, fuck.” Dean praised as he rode Sam through his orgasm.  
“Oh fuck Dean, I've never come that hard in my life.” Sam panted as he noticed Dean was still trying to come.

Sam snuck his hand down and palmed Dean through his jeans as Dean fucked roughly into Sam's palm.  
“Fuck Dean, one day I'm gonna ride your dick so hard the street will know my name and then I'll let you pound me into next week. We're going to make up for lost time babe, I'm gonna make you come 5 times a day and you'll still be begging for my tight ass. It's so warm and fuckable. Gonna sit on your face Dean, make you eat me out for hours. Bet you thought I was innocent huh? Sweet little Sammy? You got it all wrong.” Sam knew what sort of drty talk his brother liked because he always heard it through the walls. He groaned it nice and deep as he made sure to look as innocent as possible.

Sam's wide eyes and pink cheeks sent Dean crazy as he gripped onto Sam's hips and came into his jeans with a very loud moan of Sam's name. His body shook as he threw his head back and focussed on making it last as long as possible. He almost collapsed with the force of it as Sam smirked at how crazy he'd sent his brother.  
“Jesus Christ Sammy, you're gonna make me pass out if you keep talking like that.” Dean smiled as he collapsed his weight next to Sam.  
“Well, it will be that or the fact you won't be able to breathe with my legs wrapped around your head. One or the other.” Sam winked and Dean took a minute to smile at his dirty little boy before he shook his head.  
“Sammy, Sammy, such a filthy mouth baby.” Dean growled as he pressed another kiss to Sam's lips, unable to resist how swollen and hot they looked. Both boys were spaced out, wrapped in warmth and each other as the repeatedly kissed slow and gentle.

“I love you.” Sam rushed from nowhere, immediately widening his eyes once he realised what he had said. Dean lovingly gazed down at his Sammy, unable to believe they were finally here. Sam was still red and panting although the extra blush from the words that had slipped out was evident. Before Sam could panic that Dean didn't feel the same, he spoke.  
“Love you too.” Dean replied with a beaming smile and both boys paused to soak in the moment.

“I see I'm interrupting, I shall leave, sorry.” Cas appeared in the boys bedroom and Dean rushed to grab something to throw over them.  
“CAS!” Dean shouted and Cas' gaze was firmly glued to the floor.  
“I-I well, this was unexpected Dean. Your brother though?” Cas sounded unsure and Dean was nervous. He had no idea how Castiel was going to react.  
“It's none of your business Cas.” Dean snapped protectively before apologising quietly, not wanting to hurt Cas.  
“You're right, I'll be leaving. E-Enjoy your, um, yeah.” Castiel disappeared in a spilt second and Sam started laughing into Dean's chest at the exchange.  
“Boy, I am so glad he didn't do that any earlier.” Dean laughed and pulled Sam tighter into him. It may not have been the world's idea of perfect, or even legal, but it was perfect to them and that's all that really mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> My twitter- @cutierobandrich  
> My tumblr- @cutierobandrich  
> Please comment, leave kudos and subscribe to my account!


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